Scientists announced a new species, the “olinguito”, a small mammal which will no doubt be oohed at on morning talk shows for weeks to come.
But House Science Committee member Paul Broun (R-GA) isn’t buying it. “The whole thing is a big crock. I looked through my Bible and couldn’t find mention of this creature anywhere. And they claim what, that it’s from Ecuador? Where the hell is that? I’ve never heard of Ecuador, have you? Nope, I’m not buying it. I remind you that these same ‘scientists’ have also claimed a bunch of other non-biblical crap like global warming, evolution, that the Earth is round and billions of years old instead of just 6000 years. I mean, what kind of idiots do they take us for?”
Neither science nor the olinguito would comment on Rep. Broun’s accusations, which he took as tacit admission of guilt. “It’s like I’ve always said, science is just a pack of lies from the pit of Hell.” Though Rep. Broun did concede that “whatever that thing is, it sure is cute.”