Liz Cheney announced Sunday night that she was dropping out of the Wyoming Senate race, after a campaign plagued by ongoing rumors that she’s just an awful, awful person and nobody likes her.
‘When I realized I was polling below 35% even inside the Cheney family, I knew I would have no chance winning over the people of Wyoming. Especially since I’ve never been there,” said the daughter of the former Vice President from her home in Virginia.
Cheney’s decision to quit was endorsed by former half-term Governor Sarah Palin. “This is exactly the kind of leadership and dedication the Republican Party needs,” said Palin. “It’s time for Liz to step away from the gotcha media and go back to taking softball questions from her good friend and confidante David Gregory on Meet the Press.”
Cheney also acknowledged that voters in Wyoming were not supportive of her plan to invade South Dakota, which she consistently has alleged is importing yellow cake from Nebraska, although Nebraska says it’s really just an occasional lemon chiffon cake shipped from Jones Bros. bakery in Omaha.
Cheney said she was hopeful that she could repair the damage she caused within the Cheney family when she said she that she thought her sister should get divorced from her wife in order to protect the institution of marriage. “I just long for the days when we all got together for family game night,” she said. “I used to love playing ‘Pin the Intel on Colin Powell,’ and ‘Who Wants to Out a CIA Agent’ with dad, mom and Mary.”